Learning to let go…

I came back from work last Thursday evening and my MIL told me that Szeyi has thrown her pacifier down the balcony. She asked me to get her a new one by that night or else she’d have problem sleeping. I told my MIL that since she’s the one who threw it away, that was a good opportunity to let her stop sucking the pacifier.

Surprisingly, Szeyi didn’t cry when we told her no more pacifier for her. She’d ask for it after her milk (as she always does), when she’s trying to sleep. I would ask her, “Who throw the chut chut away?” And she’d answer ”Yi”, while pointing to herself. So I told her that since she’s the one who threw it away, she had to bear with it. And she’d nod her head and didn’t say anything about pacifier anymore.

Of course, her behaviour changed a lot since then. She was very clingy and wouldn’t have her afternoon nap. By night time, she would get restless but still couldn’t go to sleep. Instead, she would ask me to hold her and craddle her to sleep, and even after she had dozed off, she wouldn’t let me put her down. I also noticed that she would look for something to munch everytime she missed her pacifier, and she had resorted to biscuits. MIL purposely bought the Japanese crackers for her to munch, and switched to another type a few days later because the first one was a bit too salty. Other than that, Szeyi had developed a tendency to suck her toys (she did that even before she was pacifierless but not so frequent). MIL taught her to suck her thumb instead. But she prefered her forefinger. I tried to let her find comfort in her hanky, but she didn’t like it. I had also tried to wrap her thumb with her handkerchief and asked her to suck on it. She got excited at first, but that still couldn’t give her the comfort that she was looking for.

Since it was already Thursday, and there was only one more day to go before the weekends, I told my MIL that no matter how difficult it was, I would help Szeyi go thru this stage, even if it meant no sleep for me. I thought I could train her during the weekends. How wrong I was. She didn’t have any afternoon naps, and requested for 100% of my attention. By Sunday night, I was too exhausted. I felt that she had lost a sense of security without the pacifier. And I was not sure if what I was doing was right. Should I be persistent in not giving her the pacifier? However, when I asked her, do you want Mommy to buy you a new chut chut? She will shake her head and said mai (no in hokkien). And she never asked for it since then. But both MIL and I knew that she’s having  a difficult time, she missed her pacifier but wouldn’t tell us so. MIL always try to console her by telling her she’ll buy her a new one. And Szeyi would either ignore her or declined her offer. How mature she is! She knows that we don’t like her to have the pacifier. 

On Monday night, which was the 5th day she was without her pacifier, MIL complained that she couldn’t get anything done when I came back from work. She said Szeyi clinged to her like a glue and was very demanding. Last time, when we played her a certain song, she’d be contented and sang along. But now, she’d request us to change the CDs and played another song. After listening for sometime, she’d request a different one. This would go on forever, and it was really frustrating. And now when she slept, it’s back to her baby’s days where she’d want us to cradle her or carry her even after she’s dozed off.

Deep inside me, I refused to give up. I felt that this is a good chance for me to stop her relying on the pacifier, since she didn’t really cry for it. She could still eat and sleep (though sleeping is a big headache), unlike her Daddy where he wouldn’t drink milk for 3 days when he was going thru this stage). However, I felt that Szeyi was not ready yet. She had lost her sense of security. Maybe it’s worst with her Daddy not around her during this time. Furthermore, since she had developed a tendency to chew on biscuits everytime she missed her pacifier, I was afraid that it would become a habit and put on weight soon. So, based on all this reasoning, I decided to buy her a new one. Initially, I wanted to wait for her Daddy to return (4 more days to go!) to let him decide if we should get her a new one. But I couldn’t wait. I was too tired. And so was MIL.

On our way to Jusco, MIL asked Szeyi, “Amah buy chut chut for you, ok?” She said “Mai“. Then MIL said, “Mommy buy chut chut for you, ok?” She think for awhile, and then she nodded. Then, when I unbuckled her from her car seat, she looked at me and said, Mama, Ai!”. And she smiled so happily and sweetly. That’s the first time she ever said she wanted a new pacifier since she threw it down the balcony 5 days ago. And she needed my approval for that. I guess I would try again when I felt she is more ready.

Missing Dad Dad?

I noticed that for the past two weeks, Sze Yi is extremely close to Daddy. It surprised me that she doesn’t want me to do certain things for her, like changing her nappy, feeding her porridge, playing with her, etc but insisted for Daddy instead. Last time, I’m the #1 person that she’ll go to, and she sticks to me like a glue. So it was quite difficult for me to adapt at first, as I felt that she no longer wants me. But on the brighter side, I suddenly have more time of my own, as I could do what I want while Daddy entertains our little princess.

Then, Daddy needed to go for a 2-week business trip. We were all anxious on how she would react when Daddy is not at home. After sending Daddy off at the airport, she came back and had a long nap. Everything was as normal, she didn’t even cry when sending Daddy off. She gave him a friend kiss and said bye bye very sweetly.

Then, after she woke up, Amah told her Dad Dad won’t be coming back tonight. Here’s their conversation:

Amah: Dad Dad sit aeroplane fly already. Dad Dad won’t be coming back to sleep tonight

Sze Yi: U (meaning, got – in Hokkien). Kai Kai (just go out for a walk).

She said it so confidently that we all can’t help laughing. Then things are back to normal. Night time came, I mentioned to Amah that she doesn’t show any sign of missing Daddy. Amah said that’s her way, she was like that too when both of us went to Europe last year and Hawaii recently. The only tell tale sign was that she couldn’t sleep at night, and it would be much much later than normal (even when we are around, she only sleeps at around 1-2am!).  Later at night, I noticed that she’s getting restless, so Ah Mah suggested to let her smell Daddy’s blanket. She pushed it away! Hmm…so, she haven’t missed Daddy yet.

Then, she requested me to show her the photo albums. We compiled all her photos from the time she’s born up to the recent ones, and she loves to look at it especially when she wants to sleep. So here’s the interesting part. She pointed at me in one of the photos and say “Dad Dad”. I told her, ”No, this is Mommy. That is Dad Dad”. She argued with me and kept on saying Dad Dad angrily for a few times. Then, after that, she started to point to everyone (including herself, Amah, me)  and said “Dad Dad”.

Today is the 4th day after Daddy left, or the 2nd working day where Daddy was not around. When I came back from work, she’s getting very sticky again. I could hardly eat or bathe. She asked me to carry her to my room. Right after I opened the door, she pointed to where Daddy sleep, and said Dad Dad. I told her Dad Dad is not back yet. Then she proceeded to take the Hello Kitty bride & bridegroom pair on our bed and said Dad Dad (pointing to the bridgegroom cat). Daddy has taught her that the bridegroom is Daddy, and the bride is Mommy). Well, she carried them both out to the hall, and played with them for awhile. After sometime, I noticed that she only took the bridgegroom cat back to our room, without the bride (me!). She carried “Daddy” everywhere with her. Is this another sign that she missed Daddy?

Well, but when I asked her where is Daddy? She’ll imitate the aeroplane sound and do the flying act to say that Daddy is in the aeroplane. When she heard the aeroplane flying past our condo, Amah will say “Daddy sits aeroplane and fly to US already”. She will say ”Bye”, and waved her hand.

Luckily tonight she managed to skype with Daddy. We can see the excitement in her voice, when she keeps on calling Dad Dad. They chatted for a while (Daddy talked most of the time) while Sze Yi was busily typing on the chat box. Poor Daddy can’t understand what she’s trying to tell him. When Daddy needs to end the conversation, Sze Yi automatically said “Night Night” and close my laptop cover!

After that, she went into my room and doze off, without much fuss, unlike other days. She certainly had a very sound sleep after talking to her beloved Daddy!