SAHM or FTWM?

This is also another tag which is supposed to be my homework during the replacement holidays in July.

If given a choice, what would I choose to be? SAHM (Stay At Home Mother) or FTWM (Full Time Working Mother)? I have been thinking a lot about this lately, and can’t really make up my mind.   

Ideally, I would want to be a SAHM because:

1. I would like to spend more time with my baby. She’s my joy and my love, and I want to be there for her when she needs me most. It’s always satisfying to watch her grow and learn new things each day.

2. Recently my girl has started to show signs of being out of control. She is addicted to the TV and could watch her favourite Barney/Baby Einstein series for the whole day, even if it’s the same one. She is also getting very naughty and hard to teach. Hubby wants me to resign so that I could correct her and teach her. Both of us are aware that the first 3 years last forever. And the best people to help develop her are none other than the parents. 

3. Everytime she cries when I left for work, my heart would ache and wish that I don’t need to leave her. I would always tell myself to come back earlier that day, but failed most of the time due to my work load.  So, if I don’t need to work, I won’t face this dilemma anymore.

4. Being a Cancerian, I’m a homey person. I love to keep my house clean and neat, and cook for the family. I have just moved to a new place, and I enjoy decorating and improving it. I have also insisted to have a built-in oven so that I could learn to bake (which I’ve just used only once till now). But since I’m working during the day and occupied with Sze Yi and the house chores during the nights and weekends, I could hardly do all these.

5. However, since doing house chores takes up a lot of my time, I would prefer to have a part-time maid to help me with it so that I could spend more quality time with my girl. So that when she’s sleeping, I could at least do some readings or blog instead of catching up with a pile of laundries or unwashed dishes. But I know this won’t happen because I won’t be able to afford it if I’m not working, unless hubby could sponsor me.  

However, reality bites. It’s hard for me to give up my career now because:

1. I won’t get to spend as I wish anymore. And I won’t be able to get Szeyi things that I felt she should have, but hubby doesn’t think so. I love to dress her up, and wouldn’t mind buying expensive stuffs for her. But to hubby, it’s a waste of money.

2. I’m staying with my mother-in-law. I felt that since she’s around, it will be redundant for me to stay at home too – two non-working lady full time on a toddler? I might as well work to earn some extra money for the family. Furthermore, since we both have different ways of doing things, it’s always better to stay out of each other’s way whenever possible to avoid any misunderstandings.

3. If I’m not working, how could I give my parents their monthly allowance? I couldn’t expect hubby to do that for me since he has his own parent/siblings to take care too. 

4. I’m already so outdated when it comes to general knowledge, so if I’m not working, I might end up being like a frog under the shell (katak di bawah tempurung). I get a lot of updates from my colleagues and friends, so if I lost this source of info, how could I bring up Sze Yi well?    

5. I’m not sure if I could stand the thought of just being at home the whole day with an active toddler. Sometimes during the weekends, when hubby is not around, I would feel helpless of not knowing what to do with her, and get overwhelmed easily with her whimps and demands. So I’m not sure if I could handle her all alone for 7 days a week. 

So, based on all this, I decided that I wanted a half-day kind of job so that I could have my own income and spend time with my baby. I’m not sure if this is called part-time working mother, but my mother is considered a full time working mother too, and yet she gets to spend nearly half a day with us because she’s a teacher. When I was small, I would be anxiously waiting for her to come back so that I can tell her about my days at school. To me, the ~1 hour wait is like eternity, so I can’t imagine next time Sze Yi would need to wait for at least a good 6 hours before I came back from work. I think I really need to start looking for a job with such nature – that is shorter working hours. And I can’t deny the fact that my income will reduce too, of course. But it’s better than none and I get the best of both worlds. So, I guess the right term to use is still a PTWM (Part Time Working Mother) maybe after I have my 2nd child.

~~~Instructions~~~
Here’s how it works:
1. So easy peasy, if you were given a choice, would you be a SAHM or FTWM? Just provide 3 darn good reasons.
2. Include your post link to the list below and Finally,
3. Tag another three mommies

1. Immomsdaughter prefers to be a SAHM
2. Miche prefers to be a SAHM too.
3. SYH prefers to be a PTWM
4. Everydayhealy prefers to be a SAHM
5. Angeleyes prefers to be WAHM
6. Giddy Tiger prefers to be an SAHM
7. Jin Miin prefer to be a PTWM
8. WS prefer to be a FTWM
9. Angie prefer to be PTWM
10. Pei Sze prefer to be a FTWM at the moment and SAHM 41/2 years later.

11. Irene prefers to be a FTWM at the moment and PTWM after she has her 2^nd child.

~~~End of Instructions~~~

And I can’t think of anyone else to tag since I’ve seen this in everyone’s blog – except for Charlotte’s mommy again

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus…

So, is that why they kept pissing each other off? Well, I got tagged by Pei Sze many moons ago regarding how hubby and I pissed each other off. I did not have time for this then, and I also didn’t know how to write that from my baby’s perspective in her blog (I didn’t have my own blog then). Well, but I think this is a very interesting topic and this is also part of the reason why I create a blog of my own!

Hubby ticks me off when/because:

1.        He likes to take his own sweet time to do a certain task and keeps putting things off until the very last minute. And when I keep on reminding him about it, he’ll say that I like to complain.

2.       He spends too much time in front of the TV and hardly budges when I asked him to help out with the house chores.  

3.      He must include his mom in all our outings, and we hardly spend enough time with each other.

4.      He hardly goes shopping with me, and if he ever does, I will end up not buying anything because they are either not necessary or a waste of money. And if I ask his opinion about a certain thing, he’ll ask me back “Which do you like better?”

5.      When I tell him my problems, I will always end up being lectured by him instead of finding consolation.

I drive hubby mad when/because:

1.        I bring my work emotions home. I also work late most of the time and since we’re car pooling, he has to wait for me. 

2.       He doesn’t think that I know how to relax and enjoy life. I can’t sit still if there are still works that need to be attended to. And I will expect him to do the same. So he will always felt pressured because he’s the opposite of me. He takes things slow and easy.

3.       I love to spend. Sometimes I would buy unnecessary items, just because they are on sale. I also have the tendency to go for higher quality stuffs, which is more pricey by nature. So, when I bought something for myself or Sze Yi, I wouldn’t tell him how much it is unless he asks, for fear of being lectured again.  But if it’s for him, then I’ll specifically mention the price because I know he wouldn’t mine  

4.       To him, I’m always complaining. I will be easily upset over a small issue and would go on talking about it. Actually I’m looking for consolation, but he sees me as giving him more problems to solve!  

5.       I will insist for lots of small details when I ask him questions, which he thinks is not important and irritating. And I can’t help replying his short answers with more questions.

There, I’ve finally completed the tag. I personally felt that we step on each other’s toe without us knowing it most of the time. It’s been part of our habits, which attracts us to each other in the first place. So, by doing this tag, it actually helps us to be better aware of our little faults and learn to improve it at the same time.

Now, who should I pass this tag on? I guess most of my fellow bloggers would have done this by now, but hey, I found someone who hasn’t. So I’m going to tag on:

1. Charlotte’s Mommy : Sorry dear, but I’m sure it would be interesting to know

Daddy’s Princess

Finally Daddy came home, after 2 weeks. The most excited person was of course Sze Yi. I went home earlier than usual that day. Sze Yi was still having her afternoon nap. After I’ve taken my bath, I went to check on her. Since she’s still sleeping, I decided to do some ironing. Halfway thru, she woke up. MIL and I told her that Daddy was coming home that day. How excited she was! So I decided to carry her down to the guard house there to wait for Daddy. She didn’t even want to walk on her own, but asked me to carry her instead. On any other normal days, she would be struggling to be let down to walk on  her own.

When Daddy arrived, Sze Yi asked him to carry her. So I ended up being the porter instead! Well, since then, she’s stuck to Daddy like a glue. Everything must be Dad Dad. If she fell down or knocked herself accidentally, she must go to inform Daddy to get his symphaty, no matter how minor it was. If she discovered something new, Daddy must be the first to know. And if she had a little achievement, she would go tell Daddy and make him proud of her. She really knew how to steal Daddy’s heart.

For the past two weeks, I could hardly do anything once I reached home because she would ask me to feed her (she would pushed Amah away when MIL tried to relieve me so that I could have my dinner) . She wouldn’t even let me have my dinner nor bath. I had to bring her in with me to my room (thanks goodness I had an attached bathroom) and asked her to view her photo albums while waiting for me to have my bath. Sometimes she would quietly wait for me, but most of the time, she would keep on checking on me and urging me to speed up. But then, after Daddy came back, I couldn’t say how relieved I was. I was suddenly so free. She no longer demanded my attention, because everything would be Dad Dad. That’s why I had some time to blog lately.

Daddy bought lots of gifts for his little princess. It was not like him because he would normally say that it was a waste of money when I got her expensive stuffs. Even getting a car seat had received a lot of objections from him last time. But somehow this time, everything that he bought, they were all hers. Nothing for Mommy at all! Look at what he had bought for her! I was especially attracted to this blouse. 

He told me that it was rather expensive, compared to the other clothes that he had bought for her. Furthermore, this was not from a branded design. But what really stuck him were the verdings “I get my good looks from my Dad”. He really like to show off, don’t you think so?

Another significant changes that I observed was that Daddy is more patient this time. He could play with SzeYi longer, not like last time when he would grow tired easily and asked either me or MIL to take over. Even the tiredness from jet lag was nothing compared to his little princess’ attention. Well, that was a really good improvement and I was really impressed with how situation changed. Hopefully that would last…